March 16, 2025

Dear Mina,

It is Sunday, the 16th of March, 2025. I just tried to call your mom and she didn’t pick up. Your grandma is very sick, and I am sorry for the sequence of events that led to this.

I though I would write a few letters to you while we are separated. Hopefully these are a point of reference for both you and me later in our lives.

I think of you all the time. I want you to be happy, successful, confident and secure. The divorce has done nothing towards achieving these things. We have both gone through pain. I hope it has also made us grow. Hope it has not broken us beyond recovery. I’ll be here for you. Separated by distance but not by thought.

Right now, you blame me for all our troubles. I hope you’ll know that it’s not always one person’s fault – or anyone’s fault. But things happen and spin out of control and there is collateral damage. I want to go to Korea in May this year and try to make a few things right, if it is in my power to do so.

Yes, there are things I could have done better. I should have talked better to prepare you. I should have been more assertive. I should have fought for what was right. I fell into a pattern where I admitted to my mistakes, but others didn’t, and left me looking guilty.

Saying this feels heavy. Like I’m making excuses. Like I’m looking for forgiveness. I am not, I just want you to know that there’s another point of view.

Will you see me when I land in Korea? Or are you so angry in the bubble that you and your mom live in that you will refuse?

I’ll get on the flight either way. If you refuse to see me, if I cannot talk to anyone, then there is nothing for me to do except to wait for time to pass by and get on the return flight home. I will have questions on top of questions for myself. Is this what I wanted to happen? Is it in my power to do anything about the situation?

Will there ever be a time when we have a honest conversation?

I guess it’s a reason to live and find out.

Love,

Appa.